καλη χρονια!!

Σε ευχαριστούμε πάρα πολύ Ήλια, για την πανέμορφη ζωγραφιά. Καλή Χρονιά και σε σένα και σε όλο τον κόσμο!

31 December

it was a lovely lasagne, cheers Henk..

This morning I went to walk the dog for one full hour as Daphne got up early to go and be with Panormitis. My brother Henk is doing the cooking for us today and brings it to the hospice. So I really have a relaxed day. Yesterday while we were just setting the table in "our" room,  Freek and his wife walked in and had a glass of wine with us. We always enjoy being together for diner, and here they give us all the privacy we need to do so. I put the sign " do not disturb" on the door and we feel "home". All the staff respect this sign and whenever we need anything they come and bring it to us. Sometimes I feel we are at a restaurant/hotel, they take excellent care for their residents and family. Today you find "oliebollen"  ( a traditional sort of doughnut or "tiganites" that we have on New Years Eve )on the table in the livingroom for who ever feels like eating. Outside the "early birds" are trying out some of their fireworks, a big thing in the Netherlands ( unfortunatly!) and our dog is upset all the time.

From next to the bed of Panormitis I wish you all a wonderful New Years Eve and when you open your champagne tonight, then drink on life!!!!!

this morning in the forest

Yesterday coffee time in the hospice with some of the staff and on the left our friend Mr.Jules Frankenmolen

29 December

Dear all,

These days we are all spending close to Panormitis. That is the reason why I did not give any news as I do not open the laptop at all. He is keeping strong, still has apetite to eat and drinks well. He can not walk anymore as he is very unstable and sometimes dizzy. He talked quite a lot these days and is quite vivid. Vasillis came to spend a few hours with him today, so he had a huge smile on his face as he walked in the room.

When something changes I will inform you here on the blog

For all of you Happy Holidays and our best wishes for a New Year in health and prosperity.

hugs,
Panormitis, Daphne, Sophia and Hetty
xxxx

A quiet day....

at the park this morning

Today Daphne and me went to see Panormitis in the morning and at the same time my oldest sister Astrid and her husband Bert came to visit. Ofcourse I took the opportunity to take him out for a walk in the park and my brother in law was pushing him. ( good for me!). There was no sun but the weather was very mild. When we came back he eat and after he was ready for bed ( and so were Daphne and me ) I sat in the relax chair and Daphne sat next to her father and fell asleep. He seemed very pleased today and content, he even spoke a bit and smiled a lot.

Tonight is the first night in weeks that we are not with him for dinner as our dear friend Josseline offered to dine with him so we could stay home. We just finished diner and are thinking to go out for a drink or ice skating in the neighborhood here. Just to break through the daily routine. It feels strange though and I might go to say goodnight to him in a little while. We will see.......

Xmas trees selling everywhere.....

Taken from the relax chair while I was half asleep as well......

a better day...

... and I am sure it was because Daphne was with me. Yesterday I spend most of the day alone with Panormitis and I found out that this is too demanding for one person. It is difficult to sit in opposite of the person you love trying very hard to challenge him to show any emotion. Nice memories, funny stories, making jokes...... so sad, that he can not express himself anymore. Not for him, but for the ones close to him. He does not seem to have any insight in all of this, he is in a sort of state like some one who gets "high", pleasantly "drugged" . But it is so damned hard to  agree on this fact and we can not just "let him be". Today one of the nurses told us that in fact he is not here anymore, but his body still is. It is the mind/brain in the end that makes and breaks us.

We also do realize that we must be thankful for his gentleness, his kisses. For the same matter we could have had a person getting very agressive because the location of the tumor can cause a"frontal syndrome", which makes them very unpredictable and agressive. This, plus that he is not suffering from any pain is something that comforts us.


We did not go outside as the weather was lousy all day and besides he was very tired. We all had moussaka tonight for dinner and a wonderful cake my brother brought for dessert. As much as we avoided sugar in this last one and a half year, we leave him to enjoy all these "goodies" again.

Thanks for all of your kind words through email and fb, these really encourages us ......

Wednesday 21 December

It seems difficult to start the day this morning. Maybe because it rains, it is dark and cold. A reflection of my soul at this moment.

Well, off we go Daphne and me. We will maybe see an old Greek movie with him today.

The weekend before Christmas....

One of the seldom smiles he shares, mostly with his daughters Daphne and Sophia...

A simple scenery... but watching these ducks having a bath in the park being with Panormitis becomes so valuable!

This Saturday it was sunny and we went to the park together for at least one and a half hour. I thought it would be nice for him to take him out of the wheelchair and walk a bit up and down the path but how I was mistaken!! He has more and more difficulties walking and his balance is not good anymore, something that is not easy to handle on my own as he is not exactly a light person.
Anyhow, it all ended good as I could push him back into the chair and got his attention to something else.

He is changing fast now and gets more and more inside his own world, talking less and less. Is disorientated and start doing "strange" things like putting objects in his mouth etc.

Who ever wants to send him a card can check out the adress I putted down a few days ago, he loves getting mail!!!

Wish I could give you all better news ....


Filia for today

thanks God he smiles at me too.....

some more images...

Found out( finally) how to make pictures by "returning the screen", ha, ha...

This was a few days ago in the garden of the hospice, can you imagine having lunch outside in Holland in December?? (okay admitted Yorgos, no Greek temperatures ofcourse!!)

15 December and Daphne is coming....

....she phoned ten minutes ago and nobody can imagine how happy Panormitis, Sophia and me are.



Things are pretty much the same at the hospice. He gets more tired and talks less and less, slips into his "own world" quite often.  Yesterday we had some friends coming, Francien,  Charles and my sister Sylvia. We walked for an hour with Panormitis and once "home" it started to rain. As much as I can we go outside, even if it is for just 20 minutes. He reacts mostly on nature, wants to touch plants, flowers, trees. So that is where we go, to the park.

Here some photo's while Yorgos was still here, it was good to have him here for a few more days, not only for Panormitis but also for Sophia and me. It is a pity that Daphne did not see her "nonos", ti na kanoume?? Here some more photo's:

Yorgos, the park is just around the corner, no more pushing through the grass!!!

Kali efdomada...

from Agios Nicolaos at Rotterdam.

A nice morning out..

Our own "Greek corner" including Greek music..

 

 

 

 

 

This morning when we arrived I suggested to take Panormitis to the sea, since I had a car ( thanks Elga!). But after I discussed it with the nurse we did not go that far, but went for a walk nearby instead. It was very funny especially watching Theologos who was very cold, while I was repeating time after time that we were lucky since it was such a beautiful day, with sunshine and without rain!!

Yorgos was driving Panormitis through this old street from one side to the other side as he wanted to touch all the Xmas trees with his hands. After we had a drink to warm ourselves up a bit and brought Panormitis to bed. It did him very good to be out with his nephews who cared for him with so much love and affection. It really touched me to see them like this together, they are very close. Thanks guys for today, it was wonderful.

09 December

Na to....... ...

Visitors from close and from far......

This is Frederike, who pleased him with a wonderful foot massage ( and after me ) thank you my dear, it was nice and relaxing!!!

After his massage I had to go home as they were going to collect the hospital bed from our apartment. Frederike brought me by car and decided to stay to give me a massage in her chair. I was so blocked and really felt nicer after her massage. Thanks Frederike!!!

Around 17.30 I picked up our koumbaros Giorgos and nephew Theologos. As soon as they entered the dining room where Panormitis and Sophia were having diner, he showed a big smile and mentioned their names correct. Sophia, Daphne and me are also very thankful to see them here and I am sure it does him good to have some "bloodrelation" next to him. They started to talk about "old fun histories and stories" they had together and I could really see Panormitis reacting on this with a lot of good emotions. Thank you.... you gave me back a bit of my husband like this!



Who ever would like to send him a postcard or just some nice words can send it to:


Panormitis 
Hospice Het Vliethuys
Fonteynenburghlaan 7
2275 CX Voorburg
The Netherlands

Who visited today..??

Rebecca (  au-pair for our children,  a long time ago ) and her mother Hennie

When I arrived in the morning we had our breakfast and the nurse told me he had slept quietly through the night. Outside it was cold and windy but still I thought it would be nice just to walk (even for 10 minutes). Soon I was to find out that Panormitis lost a lot of his balance is not very stable anymore, so walking was out of the question. But we took a wheelchair and as soon as we left the house, guess what ....?? The sun came out!!! So we even felt the warmth of the sunlight on our faces for a bit.... he loved it!!! While walking Josseline phoned and asked if she could come by to see us. I said no, but she still came (joke). I told Panormitis she was coming but he did not seem to remember her name when I mentioned it. But as soon as she walked in our room he was just one big smile and kissing, kissing, kissing and kissing her. ( no pictures , some are just to private," ahum" ) A lot of kisses come over us these days, I tell you! Aren't we lucky??? She brought a very tasty Indonesian lunch for us and after we all had that, Panormitis went back to sleep for more then 2 hours. When I was also ready to fall asleep, these two nice ladies ( see picture) came by, which was a very pleasant surprise. Panormitis seemed to remember them as well, don't you agree Rebecca and Hennie?  Throught this blog I also want to wish Hennie a successful operation ( she is donating one of her kidneys today ) and a quick recovery!!! Thanks for coming by... lots of love
 

messages through facebook.....

November 29th

Hey, Just read your blog and just wished I could do something else than sitting in front of my computer crying supidly. We are working with decisions like the one your daughters and yourself made quite often but it is only theory for us here at university. I do admire from the bottom of my hart the strenght and the love your daugters and you practise (and I mean the word as it is, this is real practice of love) every day for Panormitis. And I am happy that you have friends, brothers and obviously good medical staff to help you, Panormitis and the young ladies through this. Hugs and prayers from us. Eva



December 6th

Hello, just read the blog and thinking of you girls and of course also of Panormitis. In our area we have a hospice like the one you describe, it is called Chrisalis and it is the stage a catapilar has before it becomes a butterfly. May Panormitis have a peaceful rode toward his next stage and may this peace give you strenght. Hugs. Eva, Theo and Andreas

trouble

Today we raised together with the sun in the morning and we were carried high up in the sky, together with the clouds. It was a bit cold, but soon the warm light rays from the sun shining on our backs created some warmth. We sat and watched the world from above, slowly waking up. After a while, everything was alive. It all looked quite messy. People were rushing, children were crying, politicians were arguing. It looked as if all trouble was grown together to make a big chaos. So we took some soap and a sponge. The soap had a very light but delicate odor.. We cleaned everything up with the sponge and the soap. When we were done cleaning, we took a closer look at the world once again. The only thing visible were some pieces of land in the sea. Though everything was calm and flowing nicely, something was wrong. It was too empty. So we tried to make the world a bit more lively again by adding some people, some buildings, some villages.. But no, it was nothing like the real world. We suddenly realized that there could be no perfect world, that trouble is part of it, part of everyone's life.
So we undid the cleaning, the "changes for the better", which truly were nothing more than an attempt to make the impossible possible, which of course is... impossible.
Sophia

In the hospice.

Two very kind and sweet people Yannis and Esther who we met at the Delft market in his very tasty "Elia" stand . This picture is taken in the common room of the hospice

this one is taken in Panormitis own private room

Sophia, Panormitis and me left our appartment at 10.30 this morning and we just got back now 22.00. He was very calm, slept well in the afternoon, ate and seems to be happy with the food and excellent service they give here. Sophia danced with him on jazz music and made his first day an enjoyable day, with quite some moments of happy smiles and a lot of kisses and hugs.  Daphne called in several times and feels very, very close to us, even when not near, due to the fact that she is trying so hard to do her best on the UWC, we can certainly feel her presence!!We mention her name from time to time and also this  makes him smile.  What else can a father and mother wish for in this situation? 
Although the epileptic attack had made a small change on him, he is more calm and speaking less, he does remember his daughters, my brother,  and me ( thanks God)!

Are there any people out there having trouble to post on this blog??? Let me know by mail or sms..
kalinichta for now.

Monday 5 December

These pictures are like a  reflection of my feelings today...

the leaves blown away from the trees, but...... the soil is fertile!!

Last night around 01.30 the night nurse Lies woke me up and told me to dial 112 as Panormitis was having an epileptic attack. My knees were shaking, I felt I was going to loose the world around me, memories came back from that first attack, on April 6th 2010 in Patmos.

Within 10 minutes the ambulance was here with the doctors and stabilized him. We decided to leave him with us home as in the hospital there is not much they can do anymore. He would just be troubled by their "protocol" and check ups. Immediately I was offered 24 hours home care, meaning a nurse will be around all day and night long.

After a long thought, we came to the conclusion that it would be better to take him into a hospice ( a place where he will have his own room, surrounded with small furniture, photographs and paintings from our house) we can stay overnight if we wish, stay for food, take him out for a break, feel free to do what we want. There he will have full care of a team of nurses who have a lot of experience with brain cancer and terminal patients.

After we visited the place I went home and when Panormitis was asleep I needed to "empty my head" with so many thoughts. That is when I saw the trees and felt that like me, maybe the trees also emptied their "heads "by shaking off all their leaves. And I noticed the grassy ground, which means that the "basic" is good, strong. It was right there, on that very moment, I felt we are making the right decision.

Please I ask you all very kindly not to phone these days, you can react on this blog or send me an email. I need to regain my energy as I will need all my strength to help us three through this difficult period.

Lots of filia we send out to all of you, our dearest families and friends....

Sunday 4 December...

This was at Hoek van Holland, Freek wanted to show them our harbour with the ferries going to England, it was very nice but....very cold and windy! After we dropped Vasillis at the train station,  as he returned to Luxembourg.

Saturday 3 december a mini visitor........... and her mom

this was Saturday afternoon my niece Chantal and her cute daughter Lois came to see us and as you can see she loves the piano!

And playing the "Tibetan bowl" with Panormiti, she is a real musician!!

Friday 02 December... Vasillis is back again!

this was yesterday, Vasillis came and cooked "bami" with Josseline

Things are pretty much the same, no changes. The only change is that we are probably getting used to the new situation and we all get a proper night sleep. We are very happy that his brother is here, it gives a good feeling.

Sophia is waiting to go to the "All American Today" store, so off we go in the rain....... (sight)
Actually I should leave the "sight" because it is wonderful to go down town and feel a bit of the outside world for a few hours. I look forwards to walk around and see people, have a nice coffee somewhere. It has been a while.........

tuesday 29 November

Tuesday Anneke came by and stayed for dinner ( Indonesian food,  he loves that!) After Anneke took him out for a walk and later they came to meet me in the supermarket.

Also Anneke feels very good how to please him as you all can see from the pictures, She is gentle, patient and very sweet with him.  Thank you Anneke, for the nice evening!

That night the new "assistant" came, her name is Augustina. After I introduced her to the whole family we sat down and had a wonderful conversation for an hour or so. I must say that I slept alright, although I woke up early and was restless. I still feel a sort of strange not being next to him in the night time. Panormitis is the same as he was a few days before, no change, also no back drop. Let's hope it stays like this for a long time to come.

Monday 28 November

This morning Panormitis made breakfast, yoghurt with muesli and fresh fruits, chopped very fine by his hands...... delicious! btw, the painting on the back is made by Panormitis exactly one year ago

We went for a walk in the forest, and had soup in one of the petit restaurants in our neighbourhood. After that he went for a sleep. And then......? Surprise, my brother Freek visited us once again. He comes so often and is so welcomed by Panormitis.  Boy, oh boy, how also he knows how to treat Panormitis!!!  It is amazing that some people feel this as a natural thing coming to them, when it is not any more possible to communicate on a normal level, you have to find other sources. Both Josseline and he have this "gift". We feel secure surrounded by his company, we love you so much broertje!! Today they both sat on the canape and Freek made a little game out of nothing, that made him laugh. And these are the moments we treasure, which makes us happy.

Although not a clear pic... it is the moment we treasure!

Wonderful photographs....

We had "kliekjes" (left overs) for dinner and after we looked into the photobook Freek once brought, he loves looking at them.


For today it is enough.... off to bed, kalinichta!!

Sunday 27 November

Today Josseline came again and stayed and cared for us the whole day. Sophia went to a classmate to make homework and Daphne and me made a little walk downtown.  Like always, she knows so well how to be with Panormitis, how to make him feel good. And not only him, she is always there for all of us as well, to listen to my worries, gives me advice when I worry about the girls. She makes me feel that I can open myself completely and let my tears run, We all love her and feel so grateful for her support.

Saturday 26 November....

we went to the sea side and after warmed ourselves up at an open fire place in a "grand cafe" where we had lunch with Daphne and Sophia. It was too cold to walk outside

Our first night "seperate"...

.... was just terrible!! The clock showed 03.00 and I still was awake, crying and felt guilty to have "left"him. That first night when he had to go to the bathroom, I stood behind the door, listening if the nurse was patient and nice to him. And thank God, she was very sweet. I must have fallen asleep around 03.30 having a nightmare that woke me up an hour or so later........ In the morning Magda ( the nurse ) asked me how I slept and I told her how my night was. She said that this was quite normal and that I will sleep better the next night.

Panormitis slept very well in his new bed and he calls Magda " my assistant" . They get along well and as I slept the second night more then 4 hours non stop I gave it another change. Yesterday was the record, from 01.00 untill 09.00 o'clock. As I had "planned" in the beginning to let his "assistance"  come for 3 nights only, now she will come each night. I am sooo exhausted, all my tiredness comes out. Also it is more quiet for Panormitis, he was "leaning" too much on me, 24 hours a day is not nothing.

Now we take a nap together in the afternoon in our bed, which feels good. I can feel that I am able to take  better care of him in the day tim now that I can sleep through the night. You see, it is not only Panormitis that needs to be cared for, we have to teenage daughters as well, and they need also support and attention.

We will see how it goes, we are always in a position to change this program. It is just that in our case we have the highest indication for home care and why not use it ? Magda comes around 23.00 and leaves us at 09.00 in the morning.

Also we have a lady coming (Barbra) who is a volunteer for an institute that helps terminal patients. She is here twice a week, on Wednesday afternoon for a couple of hours and on Friday night so I can take Sophia out after her piano lessons.  What a "blessing" to have all this care!!!!

 

The new bed......

Just woke up......

Een berichtje van Henny........

Hallo dappere Hetty en lieve, dappere dochters, ik had even commentaar gegeven op de blog maar weet niet of ik het goed gedaan heb, daarom nog even via de mail.
Ik denk dat het van jullie een juiste beslissing is om vanaf nu te proberen nog zoveel mogelijk van elkaar te genieten. De momenten zijn er nog, als je de foto ziet thuis terug van de reis naar Amsterdam...een hele mooie foto met die glimlach... en dan de foto bij de piano een en al oor en opgenomen door het spel.
Dat zijn en blijven de kostbare momenten.
Hetty vergeet niet om jezelf af en toe te laten fotograferen met Panormitis.
Ik ben blij voor je dat er nu iemand komt slapen voor een paar nachten, je weet dan tenminste zeker dat Panormitis niets tekort komt en jijzelf in iedergeval in bed kunt blijven om te rusten.
Ik wens je heel veel sterkte en hoop nog even langs te komen voordat ik naar Maastricht moet.(8 dec.)
Lieve groeten voor jullie allemaal, take care Henny

24 November

A

After a short night and after I had lost a bit of my patient in the morning,  Frederike came to give the whole "Gambieraki clan" a massage. The ladies had a chair massage. Ofcourse Panormitis had an extra long massage including footmassage. We all loved it, it was a nice treat,

thanks a lot Frederike!

They called from the hospital in the afternoon asking if we needed help with anything......

well, she really phoned at the right moment so I asked for support. After 45 minutes she called again telling us that if we wish, this weekend we will have a "hospitalbed" brought to us for in the livingroom and each day we can have  a nurse coming in at 23.00 and leaving at 07.00 in the morning. Very welcome, so I can have some sleep, as Panormitis wakes up in the night and keeps me also awake for hours. I need to be strong if I want to continue taking care for him at the house, so I need to have energy. Something that I feel slipping out of my body very fast these days. A lack of sleep can really make a rack out of us.  I do think that it is also the medicine that makes him so restless in the night, we are slowly reducing this medicine, hopefully he will be able to relax a bit more. The nurse will come 3 times a week for now, I thought that would give me enough sleep. Panormitis had a very calm day today, he did not go outside and slept well in the afternoon.

This game was just finished ( Daphne won ) and we are having a cup of tea before we all go to bed. We are so happy Daphne is with us these days. I am also "nursing" her as she does not feel too well, and she entertains her father in between.

Kalinichta for now....

So many different ways of showing love

but love is received all the same.....


Sophia schatje, you give papa ( and me!! ) so much pleasure when you play the piano!

On our way to the hospital together with Daphne and Sophia......



to be short, the visit with the neurologist was good, it gave me a more clear view on our decision. It was in one way, but with different explanations and words, a reconfirmation of the former conversation we had with the neuro surgeon.

Nevertheless, it feels different now.... also Daphne and Sophia share this feeling. This photo expresses how we all feel after we arrived home today from the hospital....very emotional. But look better now....... do you see what I see??? So much love and affection for each other and ..... beautiful smiles....

22 November 2011

The oncologist assistent phoned me today to tell me that the care of the hospital will not end here. They will keep in touch with us on a weekly basis, to see if we need any emotional support, nurses to come to our house to help me out in the near future etc.etc. I got emotional and told her I was afraid to miss out or overlook any other possibility. She told me that she understands and that we could come the following day to speak out my worries to the neurologist, Jaap van Reijnenveld, who is very active in researching and has a lot of knowledge of QOL (Quality of Life) issues. He would come back the next day from a major brain tumor conference in Los Angeles. Hearing this again gives a feeling of confidence about the people who we have trusted Panormitis to. So that is where we will go tomorrow.

21 November 2011

Witt Hamer is the name of Panormitis neuro surgeon. He phoned last Monday the 21st of November to ask us if there was any improvement in his behavior, with the very strong medicine he gave one week before.  Cause if that would have been the case they would be considering another brain operation. But unfortunately, the symptoms got worse, he is more and more apathetic,  living in his own world, has apraxia, not knowing anymore how to act. This means for example, I can give him his clothes to get dressed, but he will not dress up, just sits still without moving, not knowing anymore what to do.
Last week was so very important, in the sense of finding out if there was also liquid in his brain, if that would have been the case, his symptoms would have improved, because of the medicine given to him. But as it didn't, they diagnosed that what they could see on the MRI was all tumor, that has been imbedded inside the braintissue, having made damage to the brain itself. And there is nothing that can fill in this "gap", as Freek said:" no one and nothing is capable of making new brains". The old tumor was located in his right temporal lobe and the new ones are located on the right and the left frontal lobe. This explains also his behavior changes. Many patients do get aggressive when they suffer from this "frontal syndrom" as they call this. But Panormitis is just even more soft, loving and caring as he was before. Two weeks before, when we visited Witt Hamer to talk about the outcome of the MRI ,he said already that an operation would bring many risks and too little improvement( if at all, or even worse damage) as the left side can not take over from the right side and conversely.We also were told that he would not necessarily gain more life time.

Both Daphne, Sophia and myself we have chosen for quality of life, to keep and treasure the little bit of Panormitis that is still here today. Chemo and/or radiation give us too little percentage of succeeding and improving his condition as well. We are supported in our decision ( if one can call it a decision, when the options are so poor?) by our beloved ones.


This all means that there will be no more treatment......... and that means that we are entering his last life stage. The expectations are that he will loose even more of his character, his awareness, he will sleep more and more as time passes by. We are thankful for the fact that he is not suffering any pain and that he is still the kind, loving and caring Panormitis we know. Plus that he has no insight in his own sickness.

It will get very difficult for us, the people around him, who will watch him day by day "slipping away" but if we may keep receiving all of your support, we trust that we will get through this in the best way.

We will give him the care in our apartment in The Hague as long as we can.  I will try to post something small each day..

19 November 2011 visitor....

.....thanks Alex, for the walk, the conversations, your company and ..... your Reiki. Keep sending the good energy over.

Did you know that music.....

......seems to stay longest in our memory, that's why each morning during breakfast we listen to greek songs. Sometimes old songs, sometimes newer songs, he sings the lyrics softly and sometimes he doesn't. But I believe it pleases him.

openend my email this morning....

and among a lot more sweet emails, was this one from a friend in NY . She became very dear to us and I wanted to share it with you:

Dear Hetty;  I am thinking of you and wrote you and family a poem of love to give you faith.

   

 Hard times seemed to have arrived - do not despair

 surrounded by love - no matter what happens

 Panomitis will be blessed - we do not know

the end of our life - but what we know is that

our beautiful spirit will always be around.

Wipe your tears away - be happy having your

beloved near -  celebrate his life - No one knows

the date of our departure - it is possible that

Panomitis will fool us all - miracles do happen

if you just go with the tide and hold your beloved

 who seems in danger close to your heart 

We can pray - but hugging our beloved when he is

 in pain - is the healing medicine for a positive result

Have faith until the end that a miracle will appear

and Panomitis will be better again - he has been down

before and has risen again - therefore, please hold him

tight until the end of a new beginning in his life

Have faith that whatever happens is meant to be and

there is no ending to our lives - we just have to

change our appearance but our eternal spirit will always

be hugging and guiding the family clan.

Be happy while he is near - forget about tomorrow

just remember today when you touch him- he has not

flown away.  Do not mourn what has not happened as yet.

Do not be sad - give your beloved a gentle smile

and an embrace which is the healing salve for us all

With all my heart I wish Panomitis will win the battle

thinking of you forever on.  Fay

To end the day....

a game of ..........memory!!!

and a goodnight hug from Sophia ... Kalinichta!

reiki......

The moment I am writing this I am watchting Panormitis who fell asleep during the reiki I gave him. He is still on the massage table in .....dreamland? Wonder so many times a day, what is going on in his head, what is it that makes us function and at the same time can break us?? Somewhere I read that the brain is the most complicated existence in the universe..... I believe it! Although it sounds strange, but to experience this is like a rich lesson in my life. Ofcourse you wouldn't wish for anyone to experience this in his life, but once in it, one better takes out the most of it!!! It just amazing realizing so intensively that each little movement we make (conscious or unconscious ) from blinking our eyes till breathing, from walking till parachute jumping, ( something Panormitis did as well in his life ,)  from how we place our tongue in our mouth in order to pronounce a word, is coming from the brain. How we produce tears, a smile, how we sense that wonderful feeling of falling in love,  how we sense pain, sadness or happiness.  ... amazing right? The brains are the center from which the functioning of our body is regulated.  But also our emotions are related to the functioning of the brains.
The number of nerve cells in humans is estimated at 1,000,000,000,000 (trillion), not all are used. If we miss some of them, this does not lead to consequences for daily functioning.But if whole parts of the brain is damaged by a tumor, then slowly all the functions will fail. Panormitis tumor is now extended to both sides of his front brain, which brings changes in his behavior.
He is not spontaneous anymore and reacts very slowly, showing little or no emotion and is very passive. His speech is very difficult to understand, as he is confusing the words, (afasia) he does not know anymore how to act ( apraxia) . A great comfort in this situation is that he does not know himself, he has no insight into his illness, ( although some moments I think he still does, but then forgets immediately)  but it makes it ever so difficult for the people next to him ,dealing with this behavior changes. Each day I look at pictures of him from "before" and that keeps me going, I suppose. For me he is still  Panormitis, changed yes, but still the love of my life. Many times I can make sense out of what he is trying to say, and I am grateful for that.


Anyhow, enough for today....

Vasillis left this morning, back to Luxembourg. It was good for all of us seeing him here with his brother l!!

It was a quiet day today with even a bit of sunshine! So Vasillis took Panormitis to the park where I found them later. We even sat down for a little while, it felt good to have the sun on our face . After we went home were the "fasolada " was waiting for us. After lunch he slept for an hour or two and now we are having our diner. Freek ( my brother ) is going to take the "boys" to see football at my other brother's house. Just to change environment a bit..