How can we thank all of you ............
who were involved in this story that started from the 6th of April 2010 until the 22nd of January 2012..???? That is 655 days, or 93 weeks and 4 days or 21 months and a few days. How can we thank all the people who send their love and support to us during this time, without forgetting any one of them?
Should I start with the help of our dear friend that was with us when he had his attack and without any questions left her two kids and husband behind during their Easter holiday and went with me to Rhodos the next morning? And stayed next to his bed for many days, giving him ( and me ) so much love, hope and courage? I feel so sad because I know she lost a dear and true friend.
Or his brother that spend time with us in Rhodos as well?
Or should I start with the doctor in an Athenian hospital who spoke the terrifying words to us at the end of April: " Take your husband home, there is no surgery that can help him, he has months and if not months, weeks to live". These words had cut me like a knife and it was as if the ground underneath me opened. The pain that we felt at that point was unbearable. But it also woke me up, like an earthquake thinking, what choices do we have now??? Do I take him to Patmos and make "the best' of it? That was no option for me, just to sit back and wait, it is not in my nature to do so. It was then when we set out Panormitis MRI scans, with the help of another friend in Athens, on the internet to a lot of different countries, a big research was to begin. Was it the other doctor that phoned me from another Athenian hospital who told me: " If you have the possibility to take your husband out of Greece, do it!!
Our loving friends who went from door to door to ask the Patmians to support us in whatever way. That helped us getting through the first difficult period. Our "spiritual friends" who prayed for us each time and gave us courage. The beautiful drawings of some children that in a creative way expressed their love and support.
Our dearest friends in Athens who made us so welcome to stay in their homes and took so well care of us. Panormitis using their kitchens and from time to time turning them into a "nightmare" , but then turning the dining table into "heaven". The conversations we had, the coffees we had, the love we felt.
Our Australian friend who gave him note books while in Genimatas Hospital, that are now so precious to us, as Panormitis did use them from time to time.
The possibility that was created to make an spontaneous photo exhibition in September 2010, the warmth we felt by all the help we had received and the people that past by to see Panormitis and talked with him about art. That gave him a lot of courage, I remember.
Our "new family" from NY, who found out that the neurosurgeon we should approach happened to be in Amsterdam. To let us come over the Atlantic and stay in their house, making Panormitis the proudest nonos in the world as he baptized their daughter in a beautiful small Greek Othodox Church in Manhattan. Giving him the time of his life. They even made one of his dreams come true, an exhibition in Manhattan, how great is that?? The support in the night time ( thanks God for the time difference!!) when I was upset, the advices they gave us.
The long supporting conversations with their brother that helped a lot. The beautiful photographs of his new baptized child they send to us, made Panormitis smile, always, until the end!
The neurosurgeon who did a great job and "granted" Panormitis an extended life time. Not only extended life time, but Quality of Life time, together with his team, the neurologist, the oncologist, the radiation department, the oncologist assistants.
And while we were in the Netherlands, his niece was taking such excellent care of Daphne and Sophia. She was "bombed" a mother and she did that in a wonderful way. What a blessing to know that the kids were in such good hands while far away!! That was a very difficult part for both Panormitis and me, not being able to embrace them and standing next to them in these difficult days. She made this hurting a bit less, for being there for the girls.
Our families that helped furnishing our "new home" in Rijswijk.
Our friends and neighbours who trusted me their cars, to get around when necessary.
Our new friends who took Sophia in their house while we were away.
Our family and friends who kept our dog Lilly when needed.
The donations that made it possible for us to travel up and down to our beloved Patmos for so many times and..... to New York. To be able to bring him to different pop concerts, ballets, classical performances, theatres. Taking him out for meals in good restaurants, he just loved food!! Making the impossible possible, being able to dedicate all our time for his well being. Making his extended life time an even greater quality of life time. And in the end to bring him to his last rest place, his home, his island, Patmos.
Our friends and family who came over to help from different places, to support us with their advices when needed.
His nephews who came over to see him and had so much fun with him, making him laugh out loud as they were talking of old stories.
Our dear friend who came when she had her day off, to give me the possibility to spend some time with Daphne and Sophia. How thoughtful!! Bringing nice Indonesian food to us or Greek food for the picknicks we had. She was Panormitis "wife for an hour", how much fun and laughs did we have with her. What a relieve, a break in our daily difficult life, each time we saw her walking in the room, it made us happy, I still remember how Panormitis smiled to her while entering!!
My brother who came in nearly each day and with his "down to earth" low profile, kept me with both my feet on the ground. His advices where of such importance and so helpful. He hardly knew his brother in law, except for the few short visits we made to him while in The Netherlands, years ago when the girls where very young. And the few times he came for some days to Patmos, what a pity they could not spend more time together then. They could have had such good times with each other. But despite the fact that they did not had the chance to spend much time before his sickness, the affection they had for each other grew each day and certainly made up for the missing time they could have had before.
My other brother who flew over to Greece to stay with Panormitis as I had to be leaving with Sophia because of school duties. They always used to have, and even now had the best times together, with their particular sense of humor.
His beloved brother who came in and out by train during this whole period, overloading us with his wonderful marmalade, cookies and other traditional cooking art.
All of you out there who had send us nice cards, chocolates, meals, emails, sending your love to us in whatever way.
When it came to the hardest part, which was his physical decline, losing his functions, the support we had from the night nurses at home and later at the hospice was from unmeasurable importance. More then 80 volunteers, all the nursing staff ( one of them finally learned how to pronounce her Greek name properly ) the administration department, they were all so sweet and patient, wishing Panormitis "kalimera" when they walked in his room. All the kisses they received from him and returned to him. All the coffees ( and sweets), the food, the wine, they served us. Taking care for our visitors. Their shoulders to cry on for me when needed and the sweet comforting words that helped me through the most difficult part of our life. It was not easy for anyone of us to understand what Panormitis was thinking or what would please him. As his abilities gave up on him, there was no emotions in the end, no words. We were trying to "fill in his thoughts" on a daily base. He had no insight in his sickness anymore and was not in pain, at least that was comforting us. What these people do there on a daily base is of an enormous, unbelievable value.
Bringing him home to Patmos was the best decision we could have made. Our koumbaro and nono made sure that all went smooth, we will never forget his input, his love and affection showed to us in this very difficult time. Whenever we were at Patmos, he was always there for us, even in high season while so extremely busy, making time free for us. The boat trips that made Panormitis so happy, sailing on his beloved Aegean Sea. The beautiful "trapezia" he offered again and again, with wonderful seafood. The cooking done by his wife or the " sisters" of Tarsanas Taverna, good friends of Panormitis as well. The Xmas and New Years Eve at his house, the time he spend with Panormitis in Diakofti house. The music piece for piano his daughter wrote for Panormitis with lyrics, how touching! The many phone calls made to our home in The Hague brought Patmos closer to us. The conversations they had were so helpful, he made Panormitis laugh, did everything for him to give him comfort, attention and a lot of love. Panormitis mentioned many times that he felt more like a brother to him and was so grateful for what he did. And so are we, proud to call him our koumbaro and nono to our daughter. He also fulfilled a very special task on the day of his funeral, that I found so symbolic for the real and deep friendship the two of them shared.
But for Panormitis and myself, the biggest love and support came from our daughters Daphne and Sophia. They have been incredibly strong and many, many times helped us through the days, just with a simple remark. How wise can kids be?????? They gave everything that was inside them and were able to express their love to him in such a tender and beautiful way. Each in their unique own way. They were filled with his love and with his words, they just adored him, he was more than just a father to them, he was their hero, their biggest friend, their teacher in many many ways. What a blessing to have had them next to him all the time. The hardest time, very sad and painful, but they have learned so many lessons, values of life, in such a short time. How difficult it must be to be taken away from your beloved island which has always been your home, entering a new school, with a complete different system, trying to make new friends? And all this while at home you know that your father is slowly getting closer to his end?? How can one cope with the extreme demanding stress of such a high academic level, how can one focus, while your family is not next to you to share your sadness, your despair? And yet, they both try very hard to do their best, although not easy. The past 21 months must have been such a life lesson for them, one that can never be learned at any school. Our daughters are the biggest gifts in our life, and I will do everything possible to make their sorrow a bit less, to take away a bit of the tremendous pain of the loss of their beloved father. Knowing it won't be easy, they became adults too quickly. But I trust that with the best of interest we will have to manage, one way or the other. We have so many beautiful memories to treasure. We can look back and say that we are fortunate to have been so close and happy as a family and that our slogan was always:" Carpe Diem", that is how we lived, the four of us.
Ofcourse we owe the biggest thanks to Panormitis himself. He was a person with many gifts, full of love, always taking care of others. He was such an inspiration to us in how he bravely endured these 21 months. We learned many lessons while he was sick. Caregiving, in this time, was the most important thing for us, something able to shape our lives and attitudes from now on, and forever. He kept on asking in these months how we will manage, and he kept on wondering why all of you supported him. Our answer to him was always:" You are who you are and you get what you give." He expressed his gratefulness many many times and was so touched by all the love and support that surrounded him. We believe that it was an honor to do all we could for Panormitis to help him beat this disease. Our sadness is palpable, because he was the best thing that ever happened to us. Even while sick, he made our lives easy. In the end, when we he was not able to speak anymore, and communication was not possible, he just threw kisses and we tried to keep contact while singing songs for him.
He was a personality that, once met for just a little while, was difficult to forget. It was an honor to spend 21 years next to him as his wife, I could not have wished for a better husband, a better father for our children.
The funeral was a respectful farewell to Panormitis. When in church and watching all the people saying their last goodbye, knowing each one of them, it really felt like a huge warm blanket was wrapped all over us, it made us feel strong. The priests, the people that psalmed beautifully, the speech of the Abbot, so touching, as we heard from a lot of people again and again. It was just not thinkable to have him rested anywhere else then at Patmos, the place where he was born, lived and where we grew up our daughters Daphne and Sophia. Where we have spend such a full, rich life, as a family, enjoying the beauty and the nature of the island as much as we could.
How can we thank all of you............
also the friends and family maybe not mentioned, for your support, your love, for being there for us, for getting us through these 655 days. We feel sad knowing that many of you have lost a dear and true friend, but we feel blessed having so many friends and during these difficult times, even gained more.
It feels strange finishing this blog, we hope it was a good way to keep you informed. I would like to end it with a few of my favorite quotes, which, now in one way, remind me of my dear husband Panormitis. Hope you like them as well.
With lots of love,
Daphne, Sophia and Hetty
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to
find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a
healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know
that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is
to have succeeded.”
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are
afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that
life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to
learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.
If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love
others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better
world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who
embrace life.”
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
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With lots of love Hetty, Daphne and Sophia |
