For a very special young lady, Lydia

and another lady........ Rania

Lydia is Panormitis baptize daughter and her mom..... with all our love to you NYers!!!
So now we have a little "secret" don't we dear Lydia???
Filia polla.

A few things to share still.......

with all our relatives and friends. But not now, I am planning to close this blog after all is behind us. Feel that I have to close it in a beautiful way, why not share the coming Saturday with you and the days we will be in Patmos. It is not going to be easy..... so many memories, of places, laughter, tears, smells and feelings. But also so happy that we will bring him home.


Panormitis had a small Xmas tree in his room, we never took it out as he seemed "attached" to it. So I had this idea when we emptied his room to plant it as a memory and asked them if we could plant it in their garden, where we picnicked from time to time. And they thought it was a splendid idea.

So today the gardener came and planted it where we wanted it. It was already giving fresh green leaves in his room and we would love to see this tree growing as a symbol for his never ending love to us, his family and friends.

Theo the gardener planting Panormitis' christmas tree in the garden of the hospice

p.s. when back in The Hague I will write on the blog ( mid february )

information about funeral

Panormitis and we will arrive on Patmos with the Blue Star on 28th of January Saturday morning at 03.15 o'clock and I assume that the funeral will take place that morning in Kambos. If there are any changes we will let you know.

filia polla,xxxx

Sunday 22 January 2012, 20:10.

Μπορείς να χύσεις δάκρυα επειδή έφυγε
ή μπορείς να χαμογελάσεις επειδή έζησε

μπορείς να κλείσεις τα μάτια και να προσευχηθείς ότι θα επιστρέψει

ή μπορείς να ανοίξεις τα μάτια και να δεις όλα αυτά που άφησε πίσω του

η καρδιά σου μπορεί να είναι άδεια επειδή δεν μπορείς να τον δεις
ή μπορείς να είσαι γεμάτος από την αγάπη που μοιραστήκατε

μπορείς να γυρίσεις τις πλάτες σου στο αύριο και να ζήσεις στο χθες
ή μπορείς να είσαι  ευτυχής για το αύριο, λόγω του χθες

μπορείς να τον θυμάσαι, και μόνο ότι έχει φύγει,
ή μπορείς να τιμάς την μνήμη του και να την αφήσεις να ζήσει

μπορείς να κλαίς και να κλείσεις το μυαλό σου, να νιώθεις άδειος και να τα παρατήσεις

ή μπορείς να κάνεις αυτό που θα ήθελε ο ίδιος: να χαμογελάσεις, να ανοίξεις τα μάτια, και να συνεχίσεις 

You can shed tears that he is gone

or you can smile because he has lived

you can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

your heart can be empty because you can't see him

or you can be full of the love that you shared

you can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

you can remember him and only that he is gone

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

you can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes and go on.

different feelings...

....just returned home with Daphne and both her and me have different feelings. Panormitis has changed, over the last two days he is loosing contact very fast. It costs us more and more effort to get a word or a smile out of him. We were given another wheelchair today, as he does not keep his head and body straight, it hangs over to the left side. His left arm is completely paralyzed and hardly any power in his right arm/hand. He gets easily tired and sleeps more and more. His appetite is also less and I seem to notice that it costs him a bit of a problem to swallow, or at least it takes him a much longer time to eat. He is more apathetic then before and has this staring look most of the day. Where he still was able to caress us a few days ago, this is not here these days. He actually fell asleep in the "lift machine" while putting him in bed after lunch.



We are all emotionally tired, I should go to sleep before I start cooking, but the weather is nice and the dog needs to walk. So we will wait for Sophia to come home from school any moment and walk all together, this might make us feel better then staying in bed.

We received a nice  card today with flowers and we do not recall who these  people are (forgive me) their name is Hedley. If you read this could you let me know who you are??


It is now 15.00 o'clock and in 3 hours we will be with him again, let's hope it will be a bit better.......

correction of what I said a couple of days ago......

"I could not think of any other way that would be so hard loosing your father or partner."

I have to take back these words as they are not true, it can always be worse or at least the same difficult. Thinking of a friend of my sister Anneke, who has cancer spread out from her chess to her bones and at this moment is at I.C. where they keep her in coma, because of her unbearable pains. What we, the people next to all these patients feel, can not be expressed by what I stated before as " no other way....". Now I realize that all ways have their own difficult process, it can not be measured. This sickness called cancer is way beyond on what it can do to us people!! I wish for everybody who fight this battle to find hope, strength and that you may be surrounded by love.

photographs of the last few days......

that tell their own story.....

11 January.. Sophia and Daphne performing an act and involving their father who loves it!

12 January... a "friend" arrived: Agios Pantelimon......

15 January a greek picknick brought to us by Josseline .......

Vasillis bringing him all the home made greek goodies......

15 January at a benefit gala party, the night before they collected money for a new hospice. They sold white balloons

and......

white pigeons, which in the garden of the hospice they let up in the air. They collected on the gala 14.000 euro,bravo!!!

today another pick nick in the park

We had a wonderful weekend and enjoyed the company of Vasillis, Josseline, Rebecca and Freek, the weather has been wonderful to us. Vasillis even played table tennis for the first time in his life while Panormitis was watching his "big brother". Since yesterday they lift him out of bed and he shows a start of a little wound from laying too much in bed. They do everything they can to treat it well, he has a special matras to avoid these wounds, but still......

We take him out as much as we can, even when the weather is very cold, we wrap him in blankets to keep him warm. It feels so good to be outside, to feel the sun and wind....

Daphne and Sophia were very happy yesterday because when they were "playing" with Panormitis, he started to laugh out loud. Something he did not do since many weeks. These moments are so special and we will always treasure them.......

13 January 2012

Today we went outside, just made it in between two showers of rain!! When we came back in the hospice two residents had passed away. One lady of 79 years old and one lady of 45 years young.   Panormitis did not realized anything as we went straight to our room, anyhow he would not have been able to follow up what was happening, in his state of mind.  I had ordered lunch before most of the visitors came. With Louis Amstrong in the cd player and me dancing in front of him,  time passed by and after lunch he went very calm to sleep. Daphne and Sophia came for dinner and he finally reacted a bit, as so far today there was not a sign of emotion coming from him. Also Freek came by today while I was home cooking. Yes, Daphne is still with us as it seems not possible for her to be far away ( 3.5 hours by train ) from her father ( and us ) and she could not be concentrating on the mock exams, or school duties during this difficult time full of emotions. Sophia goes to school which is very close, not even 10 minutes distance from Panormitis. Her teachers all are informed, they give her enough space and are very understanding, which is so much appreciated by us.

I could not think of any other way that would be so hard loosing your father or partner. And they approach him with so much love and affection, we had and have the most beautiful conversations together. And not only us, but a lot of people around us have good conversations with us as well and what we all learn here during this process, is so much more worth and so much more then any lesson in school could ever teach us. Yes, I know that one does not get a diploma with this experience, but they have a good pair of brains and are so wise, that I do not worry too much about their education. They will find a way and are young enough to "catch up" later on. First things first, step by step as we did since April 6th 2010 ( another good lesson we've learned!) We left him with a foot massage around 21.00 ready to fall asleep. By the way, when I took him out in the morning I noticed that his head was a bit of unsteady while I was pushing the wheelchair. So I did not take him out too far from "home" as it must be tiring for him. Also the nurses told me that it gets more and more difficult for them to lift him out of bed, as he is not able to cooperate at all. But they do have a "lift system" so I can still take him outside the bed and after.... outdoors. Hope that the sun will come out again tomorrow.............
kalinichta 

forgot to mention.....

Jaqueline, Fivos, Gregoris and Olivia

......that on the 5th of January Gregoris and his family came to visit us. Panormitis was very pleased and even more pleased that day as Olivia and Fivos were there too. He reacted very well as he always does on children. It was a very emotional goodbye and Panormitis could not stop comforting them,  just kept caressing them with a smile on his face, .....very special.  Before I brought them back to the station, we had a drink all together, that was a nice break for me as well. Thanks for passing by....

9 January 2011

It has been a few days since I wrote, but things are quite the same. We spend most of the day with him, his speech is very limited, the days are (except our worries and pain) filled with caressing, kisses, massages, and still positive energy and thoughts. Yes, I did not wanted to share the last part about the thoughts with you, but still each day when I touch his head I pray that the tumor will go away, that there is no place for it in his head. I mention this to you as a very close friend of us asked me to ask you to do the same. As I have been asking all the way through his sickness for your positive energy and thoughts, I will request it again today. It is not that we give up, it is just getting very difficult to believe in a miracle seeing him each day as we do. I do not say, impossible, but difficult. How we wish that God shows us a miracle, if you only knew!!

Yesterday was a bright sunny day and as he slept in the morning I called the nurses, right after he was awake, to make him ready so I could take him outside. We walked just a little bit as next to the hospice there is a youth house where they do workshops etc. and on the back of this building one can  can sit out of the wind on benches. There is a ping-pong table as well ( hey Odyssea and Orphea, where are you now?) and it is has a very large green field .As I was standing behind him, he was leaning against me and I supported his head, which slumps a bit to one side now the last days, he fell asleep.  I wanted to share this moment with you as he was so peaceful and with the most beautiful smile:

Panormitis enjoying the sun on the 8th of January 2012

2 Januari 2012

Sjoerd, Chantal and Lois came by and spontaneously started to play a game with Panormitis.

 

Astrid, Gineke en Alessi passed by as well..

All in all it was a much better day then yesterday.... although it did not started very well. When I came in this late morning ( Daphne went earlier today ) I wanted to take him outside. But one of the nurses gave me a look and said: " Hmm, I would think about that twice as he was very dizzy this morning and went we putted him up straight in his bed, he started to look very pale as well." I answered : " Let's try ", and....... all went well!! I took him outside as the weather was perfect and we were waiting for all the visitors to come. It was an extremely nice day and he reacted very well, especially towards the children, he really had contact with them. Although he is not able to speak anymore ( just very little) one could see that he was happy today.

As Rebecca said in her message, let's hope for a better day today.......... it was!!!! After all the visitors left( the girls went ice skating ) we were brought a glass of wine and some small snacks ( "happy hour" ), watched a bit tennis and after had diner together.  I felt very, very good with him today and enjoyed it a lot. (meaning I was not so much worried and hopeless, like I am lately) Let's have many more nice days to come...

01 January 2012

Not such a good day.... very quiet, very little speech and no more sitting at a table. Meaning that most of the day (except for showering and breakfast ) he was in bed.

But one day is different from the other day, like with us. So let's hope that tomorrow is a bit better.

Thank you all for your nice cards and words which he received at the hospice .....